“Dad, can I get a cell phone for Christmas?” My son has uttered these words out of his mouth for at least 6 years in a row. The kicker is, he’s 12 years old. My point? Digital Age = when your son has been asking for a cell phone since he was 6 years old. Not to mention, he was already the proud owner of an Amazon Tablet for a couple of years.
When I was 6, I was in Jamaica. I was trying to see how high I could climb the mango tree before my older cousin Thamica started yelling at me to get down before I hurt myself. Either that, or I was outside all day until I was being yelled at by my mom to come inside because the street lights were on. Do you get where I’m going with it? Yeah, you do. It seems like these days, the only way to get my two-year-old to sit still at her brother’s basketball games is for me to sit her next to me and painfully hand her my phone; with YouTube Kids readily available on the screen.
With all of that being said, how does a dad ensure he’s parenting not just effectively; but mindfully? You see, effective parenting can take on an infinite amount of opinions; but mindful parenting tends to come down to one thing: PRESENCE. Let’s take a look at how to navigate this maze, and hopefully come out on the other side with the cell phone somewhere in the other room.
Embrace the Digital, it’s Your Friend
Let’s use our own adult life to illustrate this point. Are you guilty of feeling like you spend too much time on social media, so you delete Instagram and Facebook from your phone? Of course, you’re guilty. We are all heading to prison on that charge. Deleting these apps might be good short term, but long term it will never work. Why? You will soon realize that the external thing was never the problem to begin with. The problem is how YOU(and me) decided to interact with it. So deleting the app is our version of running away from facing that harsh reality. So instead; I would urge you to see the benefit in them and use them for what they are- TOOLS. Once you put this practice into real life; you start to have a much less chaotic and attached relationship with these digital vampires lol.
So how about we use this very same philosophy with our kids? Use the screens to foster connection, communication, learning, and growth for them. Show your kids the power of Google for homework, “predicting” the weather, and a whole bunch of other things that make the internet so cool. By framing it as the enemy; you are pulling your child closer to it. Let’s face it, our kids love to go closer to what we tell them to stay far from. Let’s not forget; that you were once in the very same shoes, doing the very same thing.
Set Boundaries, Not Barriers
Setting boundaries around screen time is crucial, but I implore you to view them as guide rails instead of prison walls (is it weird that I’ve referenced prison twice already in this writing? Yikes). Seriously, it is about balance and not banishment. Not only do I set screen-free times with my children; but I also involve myself during the times that I allot. So, while my son is on hour 1 of his 2-3 hour daily limit guess who is right next to him laughing at the ridiculousness he finds so funny? You guessed it, this guy. While my daughter is watching CoCoMelon, guess who is next to her singing The Wheels on the bus for the 30th time? Yup. So not only am I establishing boundaries, but I am establishing more moments of bonding. It’s not about removing the screens entirely, more so about making sure they don’t monopolize every moment. Especially the sacred moments such as meal time and 1:1 interactions.
Be the Digital Role Model
One day I was with my son, on my phone; and he said “Let me guess, you’re on Instagram” Wow, talk about a gut punch. Realizing I wasn't practicing what I preached hit hard. Now, I make an effort to limit screen time. It's vital when alone, especially with my kids. Habits form easily, affecting our time together significantly. So the next moment when you’re with your child and you realize “Oh sh*t, I left my phone upstairs” LEAVE IT THERE. Don’t send them to go get it.
Encourage Digital Creativity
This is a game-changer. I am a firm believer that we should be creating more than we consume. Open up YouTube with your child, and create anything! Film a how-to video on making cupcakes! The possibilities are endless, pick something that there is heavy interest in, and just use the phone to talk or act it out. I mean, if I was a kid and my dad called me a “creator”, I would think I was the coolest kid on earth lol.
Mindfulness in the Digital Age
Mindfulness isn't just a buzzword; it's a life jacket in the digital sinking ship. Teach your kids (and remind yourself) to be present. Encourage breaks from digital devices to engage with the real world. Practice mindfulness techniques together, like deep breathing or mindfulness apps designed for kids. Show them that being present in the moment is the ultimate counter to the digital world's constant pull. I’ve used apps such as “Headspace” and “Calm” to teach my kids how to breathe in and breathe out silently. These apps will often have sections, especially for kids.
Dadclusion:
Remember to celebrate the moments of being unplugged together! Board games, hikes, and backyard conversations are all ways to truly be present without screens. These are the moments that remind me that we don’t need the Wifi code to embrace these rich experiences. Laughter, adventure, and being in tune with the environment around us are what’s most important. While the digital age is our reality, human connection is our essence.
This is no small feat. I mean think about this. In a world dominated by CocoMelon and YouTube, it's crucial to be a mindful digital dad. probably the greatest adventure of all.