If you're anything like me, you know deep down inside you lies the ultimate power to change the world for the better. The thing about these superpowers is they take TIME to unleash fully. Time is the scariest word for a present dad with aspirations. With the help of an amazing book I'll share at the end of this post, I realized that we will NEVER have enough time. Our time is incredibly finite; technically, our clock can stop ticking any second. So, how are we supposed to raise our daughters like queens, search online for the prettiest dresses, drive our sons to 4 basketball games an hour and a half away in one weekend, go to work, get extra education, and make time for our aspirations? Does this sound like your life? I knew we were more alike than different. I always use my real-life experiences to help you because I wish someone did it for me. For the record, "did" sounds like I've figured it all out, but I have not and trust me, there is much beauty in that. So, let's look at how I got my MBA, started a business, worked a full-time job, and welcomed a newborn, all while driving what seemed like cross country to spend time with my children as a co-parenting dad.
Attention Management:
This is the biggest advice for parenting and life's many tasks and aspirations. You're familiar with "Time Management," but we should focus on "Attention Management" instead. This means we need to decide not how long to do x,y, and z but manage what gets our attention. What gets your attention should always be the things that speak to your soul and are important to YOU. Let's look at my real-life example. Last year, as I was finishing my MBA, I had to make tough choices on what classes to take that would fit my co-parenting schedule with my son's mother. Should I take a class at a time that 100% fits my schedule, or do I take the course at a time that conflicts with one of my overnights with my son? If I were to lead with time management, 10/10, I'd pick the class that did not conflict. My dilemma, though, was I also wanted my son to witness his dad work hard and achieve something. I wanted him to see me be accountable and attend class when expected. I wanted to give my attention to the idea of him seeing me put the work in. So, I ultimately decided to take the class that conflicted. In true universe fashion, this worked out perfectly. The class ended up being hybrid. When it was online, I prepared dinner for us the night prior. I could quickly warm up his dinner, as he loved to sit in my bedroom and watch me in class while reading a book. We had an early dinner when the course was in person, often allowing him to finish up in the car (I KNOW! I broke the #1 Dad rule – "No eating in my car!"). Those days were incredible because he was able to see me interact with my classmates and my professor. I passed the class with an A, which didn't give me the ultimate joy. For me, the ultimate happiness was that my 5th grader could experience his dad achieving what I said I would! Seeing him have a front-row seat to the "holy crap, my dad is doing so many things show" was fulfilling. I lead by example, which spoke to my core: not having the "perfect schedule."
The Power of "NO":
To chase your dreams and be a truly present dad, saying no will be one of the most significant skills you need to learn. Honestly speaking, I suck at it. My ability to set boundaries is a skill that I am working on daily, and I'm okay with that. While trying to obtain my education, I had to say "no" to many things. Friends want to hang out on my childless weekends, and saying, "I'll be there!" is tempting. I realized this: saying I'll be there then means more schoolwork I need to do while spending time with my children, so saying no aligned with prioritizing my family's needs and my values as a dad. As always, I'm speaking from experience here. I've been the dad with the 10-year-old consistently asking me to play Xbox with him. At the same time, the 1-year-old needs to be fed while I am researching my assigned section for the group presentation due in two days. Crafting the ability to say "No" will tremendously help you avoid being that dad.
Don't hesitate to Delegate:
Yup, I purposely made those words rhyme. Once again, I'm giving advice I am still trying to be consistent with. The good thing is that I have gotten positive results in my times of delegating. If you're building a business, don't hesitate to delegate tasks to others. Handing off tasks can be done at home or work. At home, if you're fortunate enough to have a partner in crime, ask them to help! I'm single, but in my time in relationships, most of my partners supported whatever dream I was chasing and loved to help me however they could. When it comes to the actual business, outsource! Websites such as upwork.com or fiverr.com allow you to hire freelancers to help with any business need. A freelancer designed my 365 Dad Journal cover for $85 dollars. Could I have done it myself? Yup, I sure could have. Instead, I placed my attention (see what I did there?) on other things that were more delicate. My daughter's mother once told me that men always use up their partner's "brain power." This statement was revelatory because I know that every girlfriend I've ever had has used up their brain power by thinking of where they last saw my phone, wallet, or keys. Since she mentioned that to me, I have tried my hardest to protect my brain power. So, I use my brain power to focus on writing helpful, relatable, and meaningful blog posts instead of using it on making sure the header on this website aligns perfectly with my logo. Does that make sense? Of course, it does.
Support Network:
Building a support network is critical. Above, I talked about delegating tasks. A support network's mission is to provide emotional and other forms of pick-you-ups while pursuing your aspirations. Lean on friends, family, fellow students, and soon-to-be entrepreneurs for advice, babysitting help, or just a listening ear. Trust me; you'll need it.
Involve Your Children:
My entire bit on bringing my son to my classes should tell you everything about this section. It is essential to try and find ways to involve your children in the process. A few days ago, I needed to review my personal and business goals for the last quarter and set new ones for the upcoming few months. My son was on his Nintendo Switch, and my daughter was sitting on the couch in a food coma after lunch. At this very moment, I knew I would have some downtime. My son would be on his switch, and my daughter's eyes would be glued to Ms. Rachel or CocoMelon on YouTube. In dad estimate, this would give me an hour of free time. Walking up the stairs to my room, I decided to involve my children instead. I told my son that I was reviewing and updating my goals and asked him If he wanted to come up with me and write his goals for the upcoming 6th-grade year, which started the week prior. To my surprise, he was excited to do this with me. I picked up my daughter, and all 3 of us headed to my bedroom. So there we were, all in one room. My son intentionally listed his school, basketball, and at-home goals for 6th grade. I was reviewing my goals and fist-bumping my daughter, sitting on my lap, as I realized I lost the 10 pounds I had set out to do. This moment strengthened our bond and helped them understand the value of hard work and ambition.
Put Quality First, Quantity Second:
One of the most important things to remember when pursuing your aspirations while being a dad is that it's not about the quantity of time you spend with your children but the quality of that time. Make the most of the moments you have together. Put away your phone, engage in activities they love, and be present mentally and emotionally. Right now, I live an hour from my children. So, when I pick them up for our weeknights and weekends, these 60 minutes are crucial times. Like many, I can easily fall into the trap of calling a friend while driving or, even worse, texting and scrolling. To make this long car ride filled with quality, I often try to place my phone down and engage in conversations with both of my kids. I talk to my son about school, sports, and life. We play songs that we know his sister will move her hips to in her car seat, and we talk to her and laugh with her. They love to hold hands while I drive, so I breathe in and take that moment in with great gratitude. At some point, my daughter will knock out in her seat, and my son may say, "Dad, I'm going to close my eyes." Sometimes, they both stay up the entire trip. The beauty of this is what may seem like a "here we go again" car ride was filled with so many micro-moments of love and quality between us. While you chase your dreams, remember to prioritize quality over quantity regarding time spent with your kids.
Find Time To Reflect:
Out of all the tips listed, I am convinced that this is the most important. Reflecting and asking myself “what do I truly value?” gave me so much perspective and direction. Reflecting also made me realize the choices I made in the past in similar instances, and how I wanted to make better ones. We truly cannot be our best in the outside world, without looking inside first. So today, grab a pen, and write down what you want to value, and how important it is to be the person you want to be. This technique is truly the foundation of all of the execution. With that being said, I should have listed this section first huh? Oh well. We live and we learn.
Dadclusion:
Balancing your aspirations and fatherhood is a wild and sometimes messy journey. But it's also one of the most rewarding adventures you'll ever embark upon. As you chase your dreams, remember to cherish every moment with your child(ren), even the ones filled with sleepless nights.
Whether pursuing education, diving into entrepreneurship, or both, the key is finding the right balance that works for you and your family. Embrace the chaos, learn to say "no" when necessary, and keep a sense of humor.
The book that changed the way I view time and productivity:
1 comment
Odeani, I loved this article! It’s full of seemingly small changes in thinking and behavior that make a huge difference. Your kids are lucky to have you!