In a world where we are constantly consuming advice, from self-help books to social media, it’s easy to lose sight of the most critical aspect of personal growth: embodiment. It’s not enough to know what we want to do or the person we aspire to be; the challenge lies in actually living it. As parents, the stakes are even higher because our children absorb more from how we live our lives than from what we say. This is a conversation about the power of embodiment and why, as parents, our actions speak louder than our words. Let’s explore how embodying who we want to be can shape not only our personal lives but also the futures of our children.
Recently, my 12-year-old son, Kaleb, hit me with some hard truth. After hearing me set countless goals about eating better and cutting out junk food, he had seen me fall short too many times. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “Dad, I’m disappointed.” And it wasn’t one of those moments where we were joking around or bantering; this was real. It stung. My son had been watching me closely, taking note of how I’d say one thing and then do another, and it was clear that my lack of follow-through had eroded some of the trust between us.
The realization that he was paying attention to what I did, not what I said, forced me to confront a deeper truth: as a parent, embodying our values and commitments is crucial. Our children model their behavior after what they see, not what they hear. If we say one thing and do another, they internalize the inconsistency and reflect it back in ways we may not even realize.
Imagine for a moment how different things could be if we consistently embodied the behaviors we want our children to adopt. Whether it’s how we handle stress, the way we communicate, or our commitment to healthier living, embodying our values can build trust and set the stage for deeper, more authentic relationships with our kids. It’s not just about being good role models; it’s about creating an environment where our children feel secure, understood, and able to trust us.
In my case, I’d told myself for years that I’d clean up my diet, but my actions often contradicted that promise. Kaleb had seen me make multiple attempts, and he’d also seen me fail to follow through. When he called me out, it was a humbling reminder that children are more perceptive than we give them credit for. In fact, his disappointment forced me to reexamine how I could start embodying the principles I wanted to instill in him. I had to ask myself, how can I expect him to value integrity, discipline, or accountability if I’m not showing those qualities in my own life?
Where to Start?
So, how do we begin embodying the principles we want to pass down to our children? First, it starts with clarity. You need to get clear on the kind of person you want to be; not just as a parent, but as an individual. Then, make a conscious decision to align your actions with that vision every day. This requires mindfulness, intention, and a willingness to hold yourself accountable.
Here’s a practical exercise to get you started: Think of a room full of people; say, 25 individuals. Now, ask yourself: Who do you want to be in that room? How do you want others to perceive you? For me, the answer is simple. I want to be the person who speaks with calmness, love, and gratitude. I want people to feel seen, heard, and valued when they interact with me. That’s the energy I aim to bring into every space I enter.
Once you have that image of who you want to be, the next step is action. It’s not enough to merely think about embodying these qualities; you have to practice them consistently. If you want to be a calm and grounded parent, how are you showing up in moments of stress or frustration? If you want to be disciplined in your personal habits, how are you holding yourself accountable for the promises you make to yourself?
For me, a turning point came when I realized that it was time to stop consuming endless information about self-improvement and start living it. We often convince ourselves that we need just one more podcast, book, or YouTube video before we can make the change. But in reality, most of us already know what we need to do; we’re just afraid to take the leap. This is where embodiment comes in: it’s the daily practice of aligning your actions with your aspirations.
Embodiment is also crucial for building trust with our children. When we consistently show up in a way that reflects our values, it strengthens the bond we share with them. They begin to trust that when we say we’ll do something, we mean it. This trust is not just about the big moments; it’s built in the everyday, seemingly small interactions.
For instance, when Kaleb asked me to charge his gaming device, and I promised I would, he doubted me. Why? Because he had seen too many times where my words didn’t match my actions. Trust is fragile, and once broken, it takes time to rebuild. As parents, it’s easy to overlook how much our small, everyday actions contribute to the larger picture of how our children see us.
But it’s not just about trust. Our children absorb the energy we carry with us. If we’re calm, grounded, and present, they will mirror that energy. On the other hand, if we’re stressed, scattered, or inconsistent, they will reflect that too. By embodying the qualities we want to nurture in them, we create an environment where they can thrive emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Embodiment is more than just a concept; it’s a practice. It’s the day-to-day actions we take that align with who we truly want to be. As parents, we have a unique opportunity to not only talk about the values we want our children to embrace but to live them. Whether it’s being more present, practicing discipline, or showing compassion, our kids learn from what they see us do.
If you’re ready to step into the parent you want to be, it’s time to take action. Get clear on the qualities you want to embody, hold yourself accountable, and start living those values every day. Not only will this transform your relationship with your children, but it will also create a ripple effect in every other area of your life.