Am I the only one who feels like balancing work and life sits somewhere at the intersection of manageable and chaotic? As a dad, I've managed to pinpoint a good outcome from this fast-paced society: the role of dads in the familial structure is definitely evolving. In my experience, we are not just viewed as breadwinners and weekend parents. Now, I know that overall in society, this is still the box we fall into; but in circles and conversations that move the needle, the narrative is changing. Those conversations echo the importance of our presence outside of the home in areas such as education and extracurricular activities. This writing will attempt to dive deep into why active involvement matters and how we can make a significant and positive impact on our children’s developmental journey.
Why Dad’s Involvement Matters
Boosts Academic Performance - Studies have shown that involved fathers are more likely to see their children achieve academic success. This includes findings such as improved test scores and increased verbal skills in toddlers.
In my personal experience, I've found that my intentional efforts to be involved in my son’s academic journey have paid off tremendously. During my three-year custody battle, I realized that my son’s grades and overall behavior in school had improved when he started to spend equal time with his mom and me. Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t believe this happened simply because of more time with me. I believe it's much deeper than that. If someone were to ask your child who their favorite people in the world are, more than likely their answer would be “my mom and my dad.” If both of their favorite people in the entire world are intentionally involved in anything they have going on, they will feel better about it and excel at it. When fathers are not present in their child’s life outside of home and discipline, children tend to express their frustration by misbehaving, especially in school.
Promotes Gender Equality: This is very important for us to embrace. Dads showing up outside of the home sets a powerful example that nurturing and caregiving are not solely women’s responsibilities. So, when my daughter’s mom texts me and tells me to wear a shirt with cupcakes and pink writing on it for my daughter’s birthday party at daycare, I wear the shirt proudly. When my son’s mother finds out at the last minute from his basketball coach that he has a game in an hour, and I live an hour away, I jump in the car and meet them at the game. I have yet to miss a parent-teacher conference, graduation, ice cream social, pizza party, or winter concerts in overly packed auditoriums.
I deeply care about my children’s education and outside activities because I am well aware my presence matters to them. That’s something else I want to stress: Don’t attempt to be a super dad for likes or because you care about what the outside world thinks. Be a super dad because you know your children will appreciate you and be better for it.
How To Get Involved
Understanding your child’s educational environment is very important. This can look like taking the time to know the educational curriculum, being familiar with teachers, and checking in with your child on any difficulties they may be facing. When my son’s teachers send emails regarding my son’s progress or behavior, I typically let his mom know that I’ll be the one to respond and gather more information. This not only relieves some of the pressure from her but also sets the tone and expectations of my involvement from the teacher’s perspective.
Participating in extracurricular activities is also essential. When I was a child, my father didn’t really show up to many of my games, concerts, etc. As an adult, I have found ways to heal and empathize with him for that. That doesn’t mean that I want my children to go through the same journey as myself. For this reason, I have made sure to be at every single event I can physically be at. The other day my daughter’s mom mentioned that she is thinking of signing our two-year-old up for soccer. I have already had visions in my head of being at her soccer games and practices. Is she going to be scoring goals at two years old? Most likely not. For me, that’s not the essence of it; but seeing her attempt new things and socialize is a value of mine.
At the end of the day, we truly have to decide what we value as parents. Do I value providing everything financially, or do I value being present? I’ve decided that I will work my tail off to do both, but I have prioritized presence over finances in my core values. My son often says he gains confidence when he looks over and sees me in the crowd at his basketball games. That interaction is priceless.
Dadclusion:
Whenever I think of supporting my children outside of the home, I get very excited. Now don’t get me wrong, driving all over New Jersey for games and events SUCKS lol. This is where a simple mindset shift comes in handy. As soon as my mind starts to think of the inconveniences, I immediately think of providing my children with what I didn’t have growing up. I also start to imagine how they may feel if they don’t see me as they look for me. Now, that truly… SUCKS.